Sunday, February 3, 2008

I Once Met A Girl In A Sauna...

Steeneeweenee is gonna love this...

Yup, another Limmerick... this one works only in conjunction with this delicous image of beautiful Erica Campbell, taken by my favorite Steen:

Copyright © 2007-2008 by Christine Kessler - click here for more fabulous pics!Image copyright © 2007-2008 by Christine Kessler - click image for more fabulous pics!

Okay folks, without further ado, here's your latest lusty limmerick:

I once met a girl in a sauna
Who was posing exactly like Erica
So being a gent'
I grabbed her rear end
to properly introduce myself there, yah...


Yup, being a gentle man by nature, I always make sure to introduce myself properly...

By the way: after my proper introduction, I asked the gal in the sauna whether she could feel my thumb. She moaned and nodded, so I said to her: "Look here, I have two more!" Yes, I'm a real-world magician...

Now it's your turn to introduce yourself...

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

The Jinnie & Jan Chronicles: Head Games

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Copyright & Reposting My Stories

Hey! I'm happy that you enjoy my stories and want to repost them on your blog, your web site, etc. :)

So here's the deal: You may always post the first few paragraphs of a story as a "teaser" without asking for individual permission, as long as you give me credit for the story at the end of the teaser by briefly acknowledging that I hold the copyright and then linking to the full story here on my blog. Like this:

Written & copyright © 2008 by TwoRocks. Read the rest of the story at: [link to the respective post on my blog]

Thanks for being a good sport and respecting me!

To make it easy for you to know what you can repost, I've started marking the end of the teaser part in the story. Look for: [End Teaser]

One more thing: if you do want to reproduce a story of mine in its entirety somewhere else, or in a different medium (magazine, book, etc,), or turn it into a fabulous fetish flick, and so forth... just contact me, and I'm sure we can work something out. I am a reasonable guy.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

The Surprise, Part 2

Okay, okay... for all you wonderful pervy pals of mine out there who have been bugging me to post the continuation of this story: I had promised my favorite naughty angel January Seraph that she'd get to read it first, and I always keep my promises.

But I wouldn't keep you hanging for too long... well, maybe in those shackles... upside down... (Improves the blood flow to the brain very nicely... imagine the clarity of your thinking after a while... but I digress...)



The Surprise, Part 2



When I woke up, I found myself lying in bed. All plugs, gags and shackles had been removed. I wasn't wearing any clothes, either. My skin felt incredibly soft, and I had a strong feeling that I had received a massage with some essential oils added to the mix while I was passed out.

I had no idea what time it was. It was pitch black in the room, but I could hear someone breathing beside me. At first, I was tempted to touch my boyfriend and wake him up, but then I decided against it. I was content with just listening to him breathing and imagining what his next surprise for me would be. My mind started wandering, and soon I was asleep again, with a seriously wet pussy from my naughty thoughts ...

The smell of freshly-brewed herbal tea was the first thing I consciously noticed when I woke up again some time later. This time, there was some light in the room, flooding in through half-closed curtains. I heard footsteps approaching, and a few seconds later David walked in, with a big smile on his face and a tray in his hands with steaming tea and lots of other breakfast goodies on it.

"Hunny, you look well-rested. I don't know how you got out of your shackles and made it into bed, but when I came home you were already in bed and sound asleep. Did somebody help you get out?"

I looked at him with a stunned expression on my face and asked: "Are you saying it wasn't you who untied me, unplugged me, undressed me, gave me a massage and put me into bed?"

[End Teaser]

"No, hun! My plan was to have you twitching there in ecstasy until I came back, then give you an ass...tronomical experience with my magic wand and then take you to bed, re-insert my joystick into you and fall asleep like that. But when I found you, sleeping so peacefully, I chose to just roll over... are you saying you didn't free yourself?"

"No! You did a really good job tying me up, and I absolutely couldn't get out. You made sure of that. I just had one orgasm after another until I passed out from exhaustion. Next thing I know I wake up in bed, right next to you."

He almost dropped his cup of tea and said: "Oh boy! Then somebody else must have snuck into the house while I wasn't around. You can't remember anything?" He looked kind of worried to me, and all of a sudden my heart started pounding in my chest.

"No, absolutely nothing," I replied. If it wasn't he who had put me to bed, I thought, who had done it? And what in the world did that person do with me before that? I started breathing much more rapidly, my chest was heaving, and my mind was racing.

He looked at me intensely, studying all my reactions very carefully, and then this broad, very satisfied smile was on his face.

"Oh, silly you," he said with this big look of deep love in his eyes. "Of course it was me who put you to bed! I would never leave you unprotected in such a vulnerable state. There was nobody else in the house. In fact, I didn't even go out to have some beers with the guys. I was there all the time, just watching you twitching and hearing you moaning. I wouldn't miss your climaxes for anything in the world! But you gotta admit... there's nothing like a good mind fuck, huh?"

"Oh, you're a bad, bad boy," I said half-laughing, and breathing a big sigh of relief.

"I sure hope so," he replied with this incredibly sweet and at the same time totally self-confident smile. "You wouldn't want me any other way."

"True," I said softly, already purring like a kitten again.

We finished the wonderful breakfast he had prepared, laughed and kissed a lot, and wrapped things up with a plain vanilla quickie in the sheets. God, we fucked a lot! How could a guy possibly "reload his matrix" so quickly? Well, I didn't really care about figuring out the answer to that, I just loved that he did!

"Honey, I really gotta go to work now, but I can't possibly go with all your love juices still on my pecker. Everybody's gonna smell that... not that I myself do mind that... on the contrary! Would you mind terribly licking them all off?"

He didn't have to ask me twice to do my 'duty', and while I was cleaning off my own juices and his at the same time, licking and sucking, I could already feel my pussy throbbing for more.

He looked at his watch again, gave me a kiss on the cheek, then hopped out of bed, and two minutes later he was heading out the door.

"Luv ya," he said. "Luv ya more," I replied. "Not possible," he responded and disappeared around the corner.

I let out a deep sigh and dropped back on the pillows. I decided that I was officially in heaven! This guy was the sweetest guy I had ever been with, and at the same time he could play me like an instrument, take me to the highest heights of ecstasy, control me, challenge me, take me beyond my limits. What kind of surprise would he have in store for me next?

I was soon to find out...

[To be concluded...]

Thank you for respecting myCopyright © 2004-2008 by TwoRocks

Sunday, January 6, 2008

I Am The Paragon Of Perversion.

What's a pervert? According to Princeton University: "a person whose behavior deviates from what is acceptable, especially in sexual behavior". Hmmm... I see two problems here: who's to say what is acceptable in general, and why limit the definition to the field of sexuality? I share Frank Zappa's definition of perverts: a pervert is someone who deviates from the norm. Period. No judgement about what's "acceptable", no narrow definition, limited to the area of sexuality.

So, is deviating from the norm a bad thing? Short answer: no. Just imagine how boring the world would be if everybody fit the same mold. But more importantly: all great thinkers / poets / inventors deviate(d) greatly from the norm. If it weren't for this deviation, we would never have been treated to the extraordinary poetry of an Edgar Allen Poe, and all the great inventions that required the proverbial "thinking outside the box" would not have happened.

I am not a normal person. I don't think (a lot of) average thoughts. I cannot be put in boxes. (I don't even think outside them, anymore -- I think "outside the planet", and sometimes "outside the galaxy".) I deviate greatly from the norm. And by doing so, I enrich society as a whole. I am proud to call myself a pervert. I firmly believe that exploring the unusual, the extraordinary, is a good thing, in any area. And I do explore the unusual with passion and compassion, and without any feeling of guilt, breaking molds and eliminating the separation between different areas of life in the process.

Just one example: Imagine the combination of sensory serenity (some would call it "deprivation"), e.g. in a floatation tank (or inside an inflatable rubber cocoon), with mental and sensory stimulation (via "mind machines", essential oils, induction of trance, meditation etc.) to enter altered states that provide experiences completely out of the ordinary. Then imagine the beautiful poetry that may be created from that place. Or the next great invention of the 21st century that dramatically changes our lives for the better.

That's the beauty and the value of deviation, of perversion. So, "express yourself, don't repress yourself" (Madonna), and "be yourself, no matter what they say" (Sting). I do. I am.

My modus operandi: I use my mind creatively and act compassionately. And what do I get as a result? Ecstasy. I smell a formula: Ecstasy = mind * creativity * compassion (E=mc²)

Now, that sounds quite familiar... there was this other guy who came up with a formula like that... what was his name again? EinStein, right.

I am the paragon of perversion. I am

TwoRocks

Saturday, January 5, 2008

I gotta get myself some of that cheese!


Lustenberger? I gotta get myself some of that fine Swiss cheese!

Limmericks? Say it ain't so!

Well, I guess, it had to happen one day... I came up with this yesterday in about dirty (sorry, haven't mastered dat "th", yet) minutes, when my muses just wouldn't stop kissing me. (Thank you, muses, thank you, thank you, thank you! Yeah, you can kiss me right there! Ooooh, that feels gooood...)

What I came up with, unbelievably, was a Limmerick, of all things. I've never create a Limmerick before in my whole life!

Of course, it's not an ordinary one. I think, I'll create a new category for them, call them "Lusty Limmericks". Yeah... sounds good...

Okay, without further ado:

There once was a wanker from London
Who, sadly, did not wear a condom.
When he had a spurt
Believe me, that hurt
When he hit his own eye due to humdrum.


Okay, I'll stop know... you're laughing way too hard... I don't want you to get stomach cramps!

Please, don't comment on this... I'm so embarrassed... (Hey! You just can't help yourself, can you?)

And you thought you knew all about breath play...

Breathing is so much fun! And there are so many ways you can play with your breath.

I just discovered a new, fun way... I inflated this queen-size air mattress without a pump, just with the power of my lungs:


I'm-a feelin' kinda woozy now...

And you thought you knew everything about breath play...

Friday, January 4, 2008

The Dive

Okay, I've had this story in my head for more than ten years. (Imagine how my head felt, clogged up like that!) Then it finally took only one (very naughty) muse kiss to write it all down in less than three hours. I must be possessed... ;)

The muse kiss came in the form of this picture:



My thanks to the wonderful Tanya for allowing me to repost it here. If you'd like to see the complete photo set that the above picture is taken from, check out her MySpace profile. Look under "Aliensuit". Thank you, Tanya, for inspiring this "wet dream" (literally)!

Okay, this one's for all you latex lovers and breath players out there... (and read it all the way to the end, or else you'd be missing the big BP twist... yeah... I'm twisted!)

Okay, here's ya new story, my fellow deviants...



The Dive



"Honey, I'm bored!" I said with a frustrated sigh. "And I'm exhausted from working my ass off! We haven't gone on a vacation in ages. I'm overdue for some serious fun!"

"Sweetie", he replied in his soft baritone voice that sounded like dark, smokey honey, "You are right. Let's go on a dive trip!" My eyes lit up immediately when he said that. "Oh, thank you, Sweetie! When are we gonna go? Should I start packing already? Where's my neoprene suit? God, I think I have misplaced my flippers! Where's my other scuba gear?" I couldn't contain my excitement. I loved diving!

"Hun", he said gently, holding my by the arm before I could start running around the whole house, trying to find my gear, "everything's already packed, and we're ready to go now."

I sent him a beaming smile, then wrapped my arms around him and gave him some very long kisses, with our tongues playing with each other intensly. Boy, he was such a good kisser. I was almost tempted to drag him onto the bed and make love to him right there, but I was even more eager to get this diving adventure started. Then I noticed how he looked at me, and I could see that he had this little devil in his eyes again. What had he planned for me, for us? I knew better than to ask him, because I knew that he wouldn't spoil any surprises, no matter how much I pleaded and begged him to tell me. He had already locked the house, and we went straight into the garage where our nice little convertible was parked, with everything neatly packed for our little adventure trip.

With the top down, we rolled out of the garage and were greeted by a wonderful warm breeze and the golden light of the late afternoon sun. When he stepped on the accelerator, my hair started to get blown back, and I just closed my eyes, getting lost in the feeling of the wind on my face and its gentle tugging on my hair...

When we arrived at our destination, it was already night. Not that I could have told, because at our first rest stop he had blindfolded me and tied my hands behind my back (behind my seat, actually). That little devil! But he had also been very sweet and fed me a lot of surprise treats during the whole trip: super-delicious strawberries with a special whip cream (I bet he had prepared that himself... it just tasted divine!), fine German chocolate truffles, tender asparagus tips with a creamy cocktail sauce, and many other surprise delights. Being blindfolded had heightened my other senses, and I could tell that we had arrived at the ocean. Not only could I hear gentle waves breaking on the shore, but I also smelled the fresh saltiness of the ocean air.

[End Teaser]

He freed my arms, but asked me to keep the blindfold on. I dutifully complied with his wish... I didn't want to spoil any further surprises he had planned. He gently wrapped his arm around my tightly corseted waiste to make sure I did not stumble as he walked me towards a motel room (at least that's what I thought it was). That was a good thing, because I was wearing my white thigh-high stretchy vinyl boots with "mile-high" stilettos, and it was not easy to walk in those. But he loved seeing me in them so much, I just couldn't say no. And I loved wearing them even more, so that was an easy choice. Inside, he sat me down gently on the bed, then rolled me on the side and, without further ado, reached under my latex mini skirt and just ripped off my tiny string tanga. Then he entered me gently, but firmly -- lubrication was not necessary, as I was already dripping wet -- and made sweet love to me lying on the side. After we both had come, I started dosing off right away, happy as a clam. From his deep breathing I could tell that he was already asleep, yet, he was still inside me. I loved this form of "connected spooning", and soon I was in dreamland, as well.

When I awoke, I heard him rummaging around the room. I sat up and yawned, feeling more relaxed than I had in a very long time. He noticed that I was awake and said: "You can take the blindfold off now, honey. I need you to be able to see when you get dressed for our night dive."

Wow, a night dive! I excitedly ripped off the blindfold. A peek outside revealed that the night sky was clear, and the moon was shining. A suitcase with part of our scuba gear was open on the floor. I could see those huge flippers and the... wait! That was not my neoprene suit! That was my very naughty latex suit with those three built-in condoms "in all the right places". I loved to wear that thing sooo much, and I knew I could always drive him crazy with it when I was wearing it! He just couldn't stop working on me when I had it on. I still remember one day, when I made him cum seven or eight times in a row. Well, yeah, I came just as often... tee-hee!

"Sweetie", I said, being not quite serious, "you don't expect me to wear that, do you?"

"Would I have brought it if I didn't want you to wear it?"

Oft course he wouldn't. I put on my nicest little 'shy schoolgirl' smile and even managed to blush a little. I was sooo excited! This was gonna be one great adventure! Me, completely covered in my favorite naughty latex suit, with 'access points' in all the right places, going for a night dive in the moonlight! I was already getting into my suit, when I suddenly stopped and asked him: "But how am I gonna get air? You know I cannot use the usual mouthpiece, because, you know, there's something in the way in my mouth, remember?"

He snickered and said: "No worries, Honey, I've bought you a full-face mask so that you can just breathe through your nostrils. Hey, it even has a built-in communications system, though I seriously doubt that I will hear much more from you than some indistinct mumbling! But you can make very cool breathing noises with that, like Darth Vader!" He laughed out loud, and I with him. He was such a goofball, at times. Then he added: "We can even record our heavy breathing session. Really! I brought some recording equipment that can pick up the signals from the radio communications channel in pristine digital quality. You know how big an audiophile I am..."

I grinned and continued putting my suit on. Once fully in it, I would, of course, get to see nothing of the beautiful moonlight, because the suit had no eye openings. Frankly, I didn't really care about the moonlight. By the time I had put it completely on, I was already dripping wet again in my love cave, and trembling with arousal and excitement.

"There, all dressed", I mumbled out of my semi-stuffed mouth. "Lead the way!"

"One more thing's missing, hun."

Before I could say another word, he had very quickly inserted something into my 'back entrance', and a second later, when I heard that pumping sound, I almost came right there on the spot. It was that inflatable dildo that he always pumped up way too firmly... just the way I loved it. I was actually getting a little weak in the knees from all my arousal. He was such a bad boy! God, how I love that man: angel and devil in one neat package!

When he was finished, the dildo was inflated almost to the bursting point. I felt quite stuffed... heaven on Earth!

Then he laid his arm around my waist again and started guiding me outside. I didn't know whether there were other people outside who might see us, but I didn't really care. When we had reached the shore, he helped me put on my flippers and strap on my heavy tank. Man! How could something as light as air become so heavy when compressed? Next, he carefully put that new full-face mask over my already rubberized head and made sure that everything worked properly. I was more aroused now than I had been in a long time. And my breathing did indeed sound a lot like Darth Vader under that full-face mask.

I did not know what he was wearing, but he was obviously also already fully geared up, as I heard him over the com system the next minute: "Okay, honey, are you ready for the dive of your life?"

I could only nod, already breathing heavily! He took my hand, and hand in hand, we slowly walked into the water. Soon the water was all the way over our heads, and the diving fun began, still hand in hand. I felt an incredible rush! Not being able to see, completely relying on my sweet devil of a husband. I grabbed his hand even firmer, and he gently squeezed it reassuringly.

Then I heard him say over the com: "Okay, we're gonna dive into an underwater cave that I recently discovered. There we'll have our privacy..." Another incredible rush shot through me, and I had definitely entered an altered state by now. My mind was quickly getting washed away by my ever-increasing arousal. I knew that I was up for some 'motion in the ocean' -- literally -- as soon as we had our privacy in that cave...

Sure enough, he did not waste any time and shoved his love shaft into me, as soon as we were inside the underwater cave. I had already entered a state of complete bliss, when his motion in my ocean took me quickly to my first orgasm, and then another, and another, and another... I lost count. After what seemed like a heavenly eternity, he finally wrapped his arm around my waist again and swam with me to the surface. There he took my face mask off, and after brushing gently over my rubberized body with his hands for a long while, he finally felt confident enough that I could handle his pride in my mouth for a while, and he inserted himself. I more than gladly started working on his rock-hard instrument, sucking and gently biting, and it did not take long until I made him come intensly. He came with a loud scream, which echoed back from... what? Cave walls? Were we still in the underwater cave? I was too tired to ask. Then he carried me over to what felt like a soft air mattress, and it didn't even take me 30 seconds to fall asleep on it like a baby in rubber heaven...

When I awoke again, he was right beside me on the mattress and whispered gently in my ear: "Good morning, my Love! I got us new tanks... wanna go again?" He didn't have to ask me twice, and soon we continued with our multiple underwater orgasms until we ran out of air again... the rush was simply incredible, something that I had never experienced in this intensity before. Once more, I found myself carried onto the air mattress, and once again, I fell asleep again in seconds, possibly the happiest person in the world.

I could have spent the rest of eternity in this underwater heaven, but the world out there was calling with its duties, so we finally resurfaced, got out of our favorite fetish outfits in our motel room, packed our things and buzzed home in our cute little convertible.

When we were lying next to each other in bed later that night, he whispered to me: "Wanna know a little naughty secret?" I simply nodded, smiling. "Did you feel an extra kind of rush when we were doing our motion in the ocean in that underwater cave?" Once again, I only nodded. "I can tell you why. It wasn't just the excitement of our actions. I added something special to your breathing mix. Something like a natural aphrodisiac. Completely odorless, completely harmless, and perfectly safe. But guaranteed to send you into a state of total orgasmic bliss, and you couldn't have done anything against it, even if you had tried." My jaw drapped open! That little devil! That sweet little devil! "You... you... you sweet little angel!" I finally said, as I squeezed myself against him and kissed him passionately. When we were done kissing after a long while, he added: "I was breathing it, too, by the way. I've never been so incredibly horny and have come so many times in a row, completely forgetting the world around me, just feeling you and our wonderful love union. So you think you wanna go for some motion in the ocean again in a little while?" The mere thought of it sent a shockwave of arousal through my body, and all i could say was: "You can have your motion in the ocean right here, right now, on this bed, you bad man!" Then I pulled him on top of me, and we made, once more, sweet love, this time without any extras, just the way nature had made us...

[The End...?]

Thank you for respecting my Copyright © 2008 by TwoRocks